• cybersecurity jokes..

    From Ogg@VERT/CAPCITY2 to All on Sunday, February 13, 2022 12:00:00
    35 Cybersecurity Jokes to Make Any Security Geek Chuckle (or
    Groan)
    [Posted on September 8, 2020]
    [Gleened from: https://www.helpsystems.com/blog/35- cybersecurity-jokes-make-any-security-geek-chuckle-or-groan]

    Good IT jokes are few and far between, especially when it comes
    to cybersecurity. That's why we put on our creativity hats to
    brainstorm joke after joke - with a break to pull in a few of
    our favorites from the web - for the ultimate result: the
    motherlode (or should we say motherboard?) of cybersecurity
    jokes and puns. P.S.: we side with Alfred Hitchcock on this
    one: puns are the highest form of literature.

    Everyone deserves an eye-catching intro to break the ice at the
    start of a meeting or spice up a PowerPoint - gotta keep the
    CEO's attention somehow! And no joke is complete without the
    perfect graphic. Feel free to grab ours and include them in
    your next newsletter, quarterly presentation, or for a workday
    pick-me-up.

    Without further ado, we present.
    Our Favorite Cybersecurity Jokes of 2020

    Why didn't the IT team set up their remote office from the beach?
    [o] It was too cloudy.

    What's a hacker's favorite season?
    [o] Phishing season.

    An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches and asks. [o] "May I join you?"

    What do you call a turtle that surfs the dark web?
    [o] A TORtoise

    What do you call an excavated pyramid?
    [o] Unencrypted.

    If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, and
    boys are made of slime, snails, and puppy-dog tails, what's the
    cloud made from?
    [o] Linux servers, mostly.

    What do you call a group of math and science geeks at a party?
    [o] Social engineers.

    Why did the programmer go to rehab?
    [o] He was addicted to coding.

    What's the best way to catch a runaway robot?
    [o] Use a botnet.

    How did the vegetable farmer sell his produce on the dark web?
    [o] He used onion routing.


    Why did the programmer leave the camping trip early?
    [o] There were too many bugs.

    Why don't young programmers write in script these days?
    [o] They were only taught Java.

    What did the moderator say to kick off the IT speed dating session?
    [o] "Singles, sign on!"

    What do you tell a hacker after a bad breakup?
    [o] There are plenty of phish in the sea!

    What's one step that witches and wizards take to ensure data security?
    [o] Quill testing.

    Did you hear about the computer that kept rebooting?
    [o] It was terminal.

    Why didn't the company move into the Castle in the Sky?
    [o] There wasn't enough cloud storage.

    Why did the band never get a gig?
    [o] It was called 1023MB

    What's a programmer's least favorite Pixar movie?
    [o] A Bug's Life.

    How do you choose a strong password?
    [o] Go to the gym and find the one lifting the heaviest weights!

    What did the hacker's out of office message say?
    [o] Gone phishing!

    Where does a MySQL database go to relax on a hot day?
    [o] A buffer pool.

    How do programmers like their brownies?
    [o] GUI

    What are a CISO's two biggest cybersecurity fears?
    [o] Everyone who works at the company. and everyone who doesn't.

    What do you call a Wes Anderson movie that gets a lot of attention online?
    [o] Fantastic Mr. Firefox

    Why did the football team fumble the handoff?
    [o] They didn't use a secure transfer method.

    What happens when kids hit high school and want more independence?
    [o] They start to get SaaS-y.

    Why was the hacker's Californian hiking trip interrupted?
    [o] There was a firewall.

    Coronavirus fear is everywhere.
    [o] Today I coughed on my monitor and my antivirus software started running.

    Why didn't the shopper go down the canned meat aisle in the grocery store?
    [o] Her SPAM filters were on.

    What do you call it when only one digit steers your car?
    [o] A thumb drive.

    What's a secret agent's go-to fashion?
    [o] Spyware.

    Why did the database administrator slice a tree stump in half?
    [o] He needed a binary log.

    Have you heard of the band called Dark Web?
    [o] They're always on tor.

    After a life of cybercrime, how did the hacker get to heaven?
    [o] The password hadn't been changed in 2000 years.


    --- OpenXP 5.0.51
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  • From Tracker1@VERT/TRN to Ogg on Friday, March 25, 2022 09:52:08
    On 2/13/22 10:00, Ogg wrote:

    Good IT jokes are few and far between, especially when it comes
    to cybersecurity. That's why we put on our creativity hats to
    brainstorm joke after joke
    Not really a joke, but still remember when I worked at the MCI technical
    call center in Chandler, AZ... there was an Iomega side and a Compaq
    support side (I worked on the Iomega side)... was walking over to lunch,
    and a friend that worked on the Compaq side popped up, looked around for anyone to tell this to... he asked the customer to hold for a moment, he
    had too much trouble to stop from laughing...

    I didn't even understand the statement he made at first, "The c???er is broken" ... huh? ... "they said their cupholder was broken" ... of
    course it was the CD-Rom drive that they had been using as a cup holder.
    IIRC, this was around 1994 or so.

    The worst call I got was someone trying to backup their files when the
    power was out... I swear I spent 20m with they guy while he checked all
    the cables for the Jazz drive were connected, etc... seriously didn't
    think to tell me the power was out until I asked if he could pull the
    computer out so he could check the connection clearly without the
    flashlight. The SCSI card that came with some of the devices had the
    same connector as a printer port, and people would often plug into the
    wrong port, or not install the card, because they didn't know the
    difference.
    --
    Michael J. Ryan - tracker1@roughneckbbs.com
    ---
    Synchronet Roughneck BBS - roughneckbbs.com
  • From poindexter FORTRAN@VERT/REALITY to Tracker1 on Saturday, March 26, 2022 10:11:00
    Tracker1 wrote to Ogg <=-

    I didn't even understand the statement he made at first, "The c???er is broken" ... huh? ... "they said their cupholder was broken" ... of
    course it was the CD-Rom drive that they had been using as a cup
    holder.
    IIRC, this was around 1994 or so.


    Back about that time I'd had someone who referred to a CRT monitor as "The CPU". She'd talk about taking the CPU out and moving it to another desk.

    I'd be on the phone asking her to turn the PC off and on again, and I'd hear her turn the monitor off and on and wonder why the problems didn't go away.

    Don't miss those days.


    ... Abandon desire
    --- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
    Synchronet .: realitycheckbbs.org :: scientia potentia est :.
  • From the doctor@VERT/QBBS to POINDEXTER FORTRAN on Tuesday, March 29, 2022 17:00:00
    --- POINDEXTER FORTRAN wrote ---
    Tracker1 wrote to Ogg <=-

    Back about that time I'd had someone who referred to a CRT monitor as "The

    CPU". She'd talk about taking the CPU out and moving it to another desk.

    I'd be on the phone asking her to turn the PC off and on again, and I'd
    hear
    her turn the monitor off and on and wonder why the problems didn't go
    away.

    Don't miss those days.

    I used to work with someone who called a motherboard a "cp board".

    I worked with another guy who was insane... all he could do was fix power supplies. Anything else he touched he broke.

    ---
    "No matter where you go, there you are..."


    ---
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